My Seester.

Sorry, blurry picture, but that is me and my sister.

I'd like to personally introduce you all to my sister, Michele! There is a small 18 year age difference between me and her. Because of it I like to call her my sister-mom. We have the bond, and friendship of sisters, and almost share the love of a mother and daughter. Its pretty awesome. For as far back as I can remember, she has always been my best friend. When I was little, I absolutely admired her. When I think of grade school, its her face I remember in every crowd. High school? She was the one who ALWAYS believed in me. Now.. I'd be lost with out her. I just wanted to recognize her. She is my backbone, and an all around amazing person. I will be so blessed to become half of the women she is.  Love you Mel! =)

what makes you happy?!

Relax? Sit still? Don't go out? Can't work? WHAT DO THOSE WORDS MEAN ?!?!!

I'm being forced to take it easy due to my current health conditions. UGH! For anyone who knows me, you know that I don't stop .. so this is not easy, and definetly NOT FUN. So naturally I've been getting a little down in the dumps, cause I have cabin fever and its not going away anytime soon. So why not talk about what makes me happy?!

laughing, family&friends, new socks, DMB, a cup of coffee, the smell of cape may, babies, when my friend Brianna answers the phone, meeting new people, Canada, writing, reading, sports, watching tv with my sister and brother-in-law, Cancun, cuddling, fresh laundry, sports, shamrocks, fabric softener, my blankie, a good movie, the smell of summer mornings, my back porch, positive quotes, exercising, mountain dew, the color purple, J. Biebs, my nephews, brushing my teeth, bubble baths, funny people, random moments, holding hands, the beach, music, cousins, getting flowers, surprises, doing hair, coloring books and crayons, painting, scrap booking, making people laugh, watching a team win a championship, the honesty of a child, New Jersey, Law and Order, Ellen and Oprah, the thought that Jonathan Toews would fall in love with me if only he knew i exsisted.....  <3

I could continue the list, but its not nessicary. Those 2 minutes it took me to type what makes me happy, made me happy. Try it sometime, it works. And it never hurts to step back and have graditude.

so beautiful ! :)

just breathe

Current status: I'm on the road to recovery.
Tuesday night I had an awful scare. My lungs swell up, and I was having bronchial spasms, which lead to an anxiety attack.. put simply. It was not fun, pretty scary actually ! However, It completely made me realize how often we take the simplest things (like breathing) for granted. There are so many small wonders in this world that are just beautiful, and so often over looked. Take time once in a while to look around and just appreciate whats given to you. Because it can always be worse.

There are so many major changes taking place right now in my life. It almost feels as if I tripped and fell, while carrying a puzzle. And I am sitting here, in awe, just watching all the pieces fall perfectly into place. I am so happy with how things are working out. Its so nice when you let go, and allow things to just happen.
I don't have much to really say at the moment, I have been pretty under the weather, and I am super anxious to get through the next 4 weeks so I can get my wheels back in motion.

BUT .. I would like to mention my family and friends . I am blessed with some pretty amazing people in my life. My family is so loving and supportive, Intermediate and extended. My friends are by far the best I could ask for. The relationships I have formed with people, new and old, are what keep me going. You guys are my support, my influence, my smile, and sometimes my tears. I don't need to mention names.. you know who you are. I love you all and thank you !!

The video I will leave you with is from 3 years ago.. Its me, dressed in a fat suite, choking. My friends think I am dancing. I don't know, It just seemed appropriate :) .

DOUBLE CHiN ?!

The other night I went out to meet a friend, and ran into a bunch of people that I haven't seen in years. It was actually really nice. I stepped outside to take a phone call, and I had asked someone repeatedly to "please, leave me alone." I didn't know this person, never seen him before in my life. My phone conversation I was having had nothing to do with him, and I did not give him an invitation to start talking to me either. Just when I thought he was done bothering me, he turned around and called me a "double chined, fat-ass." For those of you who know me, and for those of you who don't.. my double chin is MY BIGGEST INSECURITY ! I know I am not fat, but a double chin I do have. =) I have to admit I was super embarrassed, and hesitated for a second. I handled the situation accordingly, and I told this person that you don't EVER talk to people like that, especially a women. 

Everyone has flaws and insecurities. People are so critical of themselves, its actually sad. I am a confident women, and I not only know who I am but I love who I am. Chin and all. I know that I am beautiful from the inside out, and I also am well aware of the fact that I don't have a picture perfect jaw line. I know who I am and where I stand as a women and I don't need peoples negativity to influence me. This happened 3 days ago, so to say that I let it go would in fact be a lie. It bothered me, I was hurt, I am now slightly self conscious again. But I am trying to turn it into a positive. As people we need to start thinking before we say things. Don't judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes

The picture above kind of displays the chin action, but my shirt also reads "I really don't care what you say."

SCATTER BRAIN !!

Talk about things falling into place ! Today was an average day for me, I worked an unusual early morning at the bar, went to dinner with my sister, visited my grandma in the hospital, stopped back at my work, came home. In chronological order it sounds pretty average. Break it down, and my day was one hell of a ride. I received an extremely honoring phone call today. My cousin, Alison Hummel, founder of justagirldreaming.com, asked me to collaborate with her. =) I know sooooo exciting !!!! I mean you want to talk about manifesting your own destiny.. that my friends is it. I've always had a PASSION for writing, and once I made it my goal in life and put a few things up for others to read, I was presented an opportunity. I am super excited, and this confirms my decision to move to New Jersey. Ironic how things fall into place when you are doing the next right thing. Next I went to dinner with my older sister (my backbone) and we had a great talk. She brought me back a few months and did some digging, what we dug up was great for personal use alone. I constantly speak of being ok with the way certain things have played out, and today was the first time I talked about it and really felt ok. It was liberating. I have to make note that a certain someone changed my world forever last year, and for that I will never forget him. Than I saw my gram, ugh how sad. It really made me realize how important it is to always stay positive. I love that little old lady to death, and anything more on this topic will get me a little to emotional. Finally I stopped back at my work to pick something up and got into a random conversation (go figure!). One thing led to another and before we knew it I came up with a GREAT idea, I cant share it all because I do intend on patenting it.. but I will end this with YOU WERE BORN A WINNER. Think about it. =)

OHHH, & the meaning behind my picture.. the time that I was happiest and could see a bright future, until today.

"Life is just a chance to grow a soul." Powel Davies

You'll often hear me talk about people who unknowingly have effected my life. Think about it, think of all the times some one has impacted you and it went unnoticed. I can honestly take the worst of times, and thank the people involved for effecting my life because its part of the path that got me here. I firmly stand next to the saying, "you get what you put into this world," Life can be a bitch but in the end, she's pretty fair. Really the only point I want to make is to just treat people how you want to be treated, and try to give credit where credit is due. It makes the day a lot happier for you and the people you encounter. :)

planting seeds..

I was driving today, and started thinking (shocker, i know).. but, I realized that no thought I have is truly my own. The best way to describe it would kind of be "things my mother said." I can't begin to count the number of times in a single day that I reflect back to things that were said to me past. So of ten I hear what people say, but don't really take it in. However, at the most random times, usually when I need it most, I have it to reflect on. When I was younger, and even still today, people will give me advice and I cringe with aggervation. Sure enough I find myself constantly going back to all the wise and wonderful things they've taught me. My mom in-particular calls it "planting seeds" or you'll often hear her say, "when the students ready, the teacher appears." I try to keep an open mind at all times. I try to look at everyone I meet as my teacher. Weather I agree or disagree with a situation, I am learning SOMETHING, there is always a lesson to be learned.