If you want it, GO GET IT!!

"Don't ever wait for a man to ask you out, you ask him out." - My Mother

So it was a typical morning. Woke up, had my coffee, showered, went to work. No big D. It was lunch time, and it was a slow morning. I was standing around, watching highlights of Michael Jordan's career (HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD MAN!) and something caught my eye. It was a man, and he was very attractive. I gazed in his direction, snapped out of it, and went to the bathroom. While I was washing my hands I thought to myself, "Why aren't people more forward?" Personally I would love for someone to randomly approach me and tell me something they are thinking. I talked to a few people at work and it just seemed to me that in doing so these days it comes off as being a little socially awkward. People may think you're what they call, a creep. But, why? What is wrong with pursuing something that you want?

I decided to break the social mold society has formed.. I decided I was going to approach this man. What was the worst that could happen, he has a girlfriend? he says no? What was there to loose, I was probably never going to see him again anyway. My hands got all clammy, my heart beat picked up its pace, and to be honest I was perspirating more than usual, but I was going to do this. This man got up to leave, and I froze. I hesitated, I was nervous. However, now that I made such a big deal about people just doing the norm. I had to follow through. By this time, he was out the door. Without thinking, I ran out after him and shouted across the parking lot "EXCUSE ME SIR!" he turned around and politely asked if he had forgotten something. I smiled and replied, "No, but I did, I forgot to ask for your number." I proceeded to shake his hand, and introduce myself. I asked if he had a girlfriend. To my surprise he said... "NO :)" I than asked him if I could take him on a date. We laughed, exchanged numbers and I continued on with my day.

Doing this was a great feeling. I wish people would start going after what they want, making changes when something doesn't exactly work, speak on how they really feel and not just say what the other person wants to hear. I am constantly repeating myself, but you are responsible for your happiness. I am NOT saying, this man is going to make me happy, but following through with my desire and pursuing a dinner with him will. It isn't 1932, It is 2012. It is attractive to have confidence, and it is necessary to take action in order to see change.

This challenge that I put myself up to was extremely rewarding. So why don't you try it? Even something small. If you like a lady's sweater, ask her where she got it. If you meet a man who is a fire man and you've always wanted to be one, ask him how he did it. You'll never know the answer is you don't ask the question. Stop worrying about what others will think. If I listened to the little voice in my head today vs. approaching the subject. I would of walked out of work, still with a writers block, convinced that someone I never met had a girlfriend and would of laughed at my offer to take him on a date. Stop holding back and standing on a ledge, jump, expand your wings and soar.

VALENTINES DAY.

First of all, can someone please answer this question for me. Who the {bleep} is the person who thought of love, related cupid, and imagined a flying midget, with curly hair, holding a weapon?? I guess technically today, that is the perfect illustration for the love in my life, but, I certainly hope that its not supposed to be meaning of Valentines Day.

Yes, almost every single female in God's creation will tell you.. "Halmark makes billions off of today, its not a real holiday." That may be true. But what the hell is wrong with creating a holiday that is based upon love? Ok yeah, show your love the other 364 days a year, don't need a day to tell my man I love him.. whatever, get real. We're human and we don't do that. Why can't people just look at the good in their life? Call a relative and ask them how they are. If you want flowers, give flowers. Why, as humans, must we turn a day of love into a day of self pity?

Today I went to 5 different thrift stores, I bought 22 books, 8 ties, acrylic paint, 1 pair of jeans, and  a Rolling Stones record. Why? because all of those things make me happy. I had dinner with my family and now I am sitting in the corner, on my floor writing.. because these are things I LOVE TO DO. Had I waited for someone else to make me feel as fulfilled as I do in the moment, I'd be waiting a life time. Why a life time? Because happiness comes from with in. We are responsible for our own feelings and happiness. We can only change what is on the inside, not whats on the outside.

Come next year, I hope more people in the world take a look in the mirror and truly love themselves. If you don't love yourself, no one else will. Happy Valentines day, you are beautiful.

My. punctuation:; skills\ suck&@#

I AM SO TIRED OF LISTENING TO PEOPLE AND THEIR EXCUSES!
Honestly, I am taking into consideration recording the hundreds of excuses I hear daily, and composing a book of it. It would probably be quoted in the Tribune as, "Extremely Pathetic" and "Nobody Cares!". I sincerely hope that if you are reading this you realize that A.) You are responsible for your life. B.) Your personal happiness and success depends on you. and C.) Contrary to some people's beliefs, a bald little man, wearing a sweet bow tie, is NOT going to appear on your front porch, hand you a bag of money, take away your problems, and grant you happiness. When I think about it, its simple to me. However, I try to understand that it isn't so simple for everyone else. So let me break this down in layman's terms..
We all have problems, are granted the luxury a broken heart, loose someone close to us, hate our job, loose our job. We all experience anxiety, lack of control, extreme emotion, fear, and happiness. How do I know this you ask? Life, I know this because this is life. The issue here is not these few circumstances listed. The issue is peoples reactions to them, and how they are handled.

The way I look at all things in life and try my hardest to follow goes a little something like this:

• The only promise in life is Today. You can't do anything with yesterday, and tomorrow may never come. Therefore, TODAY do the next right thing. If there is ever doubt that something isn't ok, don't do it, speak up, walk away. Trust your gut instict, the little knot in your tummy is there for a reason man.
• If you don't know something, ask the question. It is ok to ask for help. Regardless of what you've been told we can't do anything alone. Somehow, someway, we depend on people. We would never learn anything if someone didn't teach us. Use people. There are different people put in our lives for different reasons, some good some bad, but they are there on purpose. 
• Stop the judgment people! Until you've given a person, place, thing, or belief an honest chance you have no room to judge and criticize. The asshole who cut you off in traffic may have just left his mothers wake, lost their job, or are running late for a life changing interview. Yeah sure, he could just be an asshole, but how do you know? Why not try to accept situations and peoples opinions for what they are.
• Let go. Every problem starts and ends with you. If you have an issue with someone or something don't point the finger, look inside yourself. We are human, there is always room for change. We aren't given anything we can't handle. From all situations there is always a lesson to be learned, the key is you have to look for it.
• Give your memory a break and get honest.. nobody likes a liar.
• And my favorite. The cure of anything in my opinion. LAUGHTER!! Nothing is that serious. Force yourself into uncontrollable laughter. Do something fun everyday. Watch a funny movie. Hang around positive people. It is impossible to feel sad, angry, mad, worried, ect. when you are laughing. It is the most affordable antidepressant for those of us without health insurance :o) .. I think you should force yourself to laugh right now, do it. Go ahead push out a big ol fart, I mean laugh. ;)

My point to this.. Stop complaining about what you don't have, how something didn't go. Get some gratitude dude. There is ALWAYS someone worse off. Stop running in circles looking for a break, waiting for happiness to come to you. Go out and find happiness, make changes. If your not happy, its your problem. And its ok to talk about an issue, and seek help and guidance. Its another thing to dump the same crap on different people everyday. I hate to break it to you but no one cares that much.

LAUGH. LOVE. AND TAKE OFF YOUR SOCKS! (its a good feeling)

24 years young :)

Haven't blogged in a LONG time. This post is way past due. Because of my book, I stopped sharing my thoughts publicly, but per request and much persuasion I'll now be back at it.

Soo.. today is my BIRTHDAY !! 24 years young, holllerrr :) !! This morning I woke up with so much gratitude. I am so thankful for the life I have been given, and I am truly proud of where I am at. Looking back at this day last year, I had no clue that I would be where I am at now. Age 23 will absolutely be marked as my year of personal growth. I can't stress enough how important it is to take life one day at a time, because we really have no control of tomorrow, and we have no idea what our future entails.

In the last year of this journey called life I have experienced so much happiness and heart ache. I met some of the greatest people that changed my whole world. And I lost people that I once thought I could not live without. I experienced the joys of birth and the sorrows of death. I moved to a new state and moved back home. I sat front seat in an airplane and than proceeded to sky dive out of it. I learned that it is possible to love again, and a heartbreak will teach your more about yourself that happiness will ever allow. I saw multiple football stadiums and I handled the upset of the bears falling apart without punching a wall. I gained knowledge on how valuable it is to have a bike, and the fact that having a car is not a necessity. I lived on an organic farm and filleted my own fish. I gave love to people without judgement and I also came to accept that not everyone will love me, and people will judge me. There is an up for every down. There is a journey out there waiting for us, we just to look for it. In every situation there is always something to be learned. At the end of the day I believe that out of all bad comes good if you look for it.

Last year I went on what I would like to call.. a pursuit of happiness. This year I am going to learn to find happiness in the pursuit. I trust in the universe, and more importantly I believe in myself. Do one thing everyday that makes you happy, but also attempt something that scares the hell out of you. Travel, it is in my opinion the best education you will receive. Make new friends, but treasure the old. Let life take you for a ride, look forward to the sun after the storm, and laugh it all off. Life is to short to worry about the could haves. If it should have, it would have. Let go of yesterday, life for today, and hope for the best in tomorrow.

With all my love, on my day of birth. <3 Christine.

expectations

Ever feel like you are living your life to meet others expectations of you? Or have you ever just felt that you are putting to much pressure on  yourself? I know I have and still do experience both, hence the reason I have no expectations of others.  For me personally I woke up one day and asked myself who am I? I knew I was Christine, a hairstylist, bartender, friend, daughter, sister.. but who am I really. So I was set out on a mission to figure it out. lm learning that I am a writer, an artist, a runner, a spirtual individual. Finding and figuring myself out is so fun. I'm here, alone in a new state figuring me out. I hate to watch people beat themselves up, I hate to watch people pressure others into living the dream they didn't have the guts to chase. Life is meant to be lived, fun, easy. Stop taking it so seriously. Step out of your box and do something that makes YOU happy today. Stop saying you will and actually do. Know one gets out of this thing called life alive, so atleast enjoy the ride and keep your expectations low. much love and lots of laughs :)

FEEL THE BURN !

Let it be known, tomorrow I will not be able to walk. Its killing me not to work, so I have been staying super active. Ran 4 miles this morning, worked in the garden for 3 hours, than went for a long bike ride. Feels great, but tomorrow I will probably use every curse word under the sun with each step I take. Just saying.

Anyhow, have you ever heard the expression.. "When the students ready, the teacher appears."? Its so true, when your ready to learn, or its a time where you need to know something. There is always someone or something there to either give you the advice you need to hear, or push you in the right direction.

Well today some random dude, struck up a conversation with me. We were making small talk and he said to me, "I can only hang out with people who look at the glass as being half full. If I don't, I get aggregated. Than I feel the need to vent, I vent to the wrong person, and its all drama from there." So random and very forward. But thats as real as it gets. It made so much sense to me. I don't like being around negative people, I can't stand them actually. And its human nature to express your feelings when you are not content. May not always be to the right person, but you discuss it. From there shit usually rolls down hill, fast.

Like a slap in the face it hit me, I need to surround my self with half glass full kid of people. As long as I do that, I'll never have to be involved in a dramatic situation again. ( NOTE: I dislike using the word drama, because I feel that a lot of traumatic situations are classified as dramatic and more often than not ignored. I feel in the deepest parts of my heart that if people stopped "avoiding the drama" and stared confronting situations, there be a lot more happier people today.)

Thats my wisdom for today, thats what I learned, so I thought I'd share. Maybe someone else needs to hear it put this way to.

peace. love. and exercise.

p.s. - MY BIKE WILL BE FINISHED NEXT WEEK , sooo excited. (I'd say I'll post a picture, but I left my camera back home, and lost my phone, but mark my word it will be sick.)

and now its available for all to see..

So I have to admit, I was in a shitty mood today. As always, it didn't last long. I actually just got stuck in my own head for a while, and thats not always a good thing. I'm currently in a spot of contemplation and reflection. I am using my time wisely and focusing on Christine and her dreams. I will assume that if you are reading this than you know about the website justagirldreaming.com and hopefully you follow it, if not I think you should ;). 


Anyyywayyyyyy.. It was suggested that I answer these questions open and honestly, so therefore I am going to do so. Everyone should try it, the craziest thing that could happed is something good may come from it.

1. Say your “official” job title out loud. Three times. Deep breath. How does it make you feel?
I am an award winning author, and right reviews for a travel magazine, rating destinations all around the world.

2. How much money would you like to make, annually? Visualize that number. Feel its energetic value. What’s happening in body, as you hold that number in your heart?
I'd like to make $250,000 per year. I felt comfortability and compassion. I felt the need to give to others. I felt safe and secure. I smiled.  :)  

3. What’s on your “stop-doing” list? What do you need to delegate (or eliminate), to make space for magic?
I am eliminating the people in my life who bring me down, and I will no longer allow people to take advantage of me. 

4. What do people thank you for, consistently? What’s the common thread of golden praise?
I am most often thanked for small acts of kindness. I enjoy helping others, and I am a huge people pleaser. Most often than not I step up to the plate when no one else will, and friends in my life appreciate that. Also I am a kick ass hairstylist, and everyone always thanks me after leaving my chair, its pretty awesome.. not gunna lie.

5. So…for real, now. What would you like to do with your life and career? {Money is no object. Dream high as the sky.}
I have a dream, that one day this nation will rise up and live.. no im just kidding. My dream is to become a well known author, who lives a low key life style. Simple, comfortable. happy, and full of love. I travel often for work, but work is play for me. I do what I love. I would like to stop working early, live comfortable and grow my own unique family. I want to become a mother who allows her children to be whoever they are born to be. I want to grow old with a man, one who loves me and respects me. A man who accepts me just as I am. Than make a come back and start writing books again. (I like to shock people) In the mean time, I dream to paint and express my creativity in ever outlet possible and run or ride a bike long distances. I dream of being happy and living in the now.

These questions along with my answers may have thrown some people off. But these are my thoughts and dreams put out there for all to see. Truth is, this is me.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend. I know i will.

Set your intentions, get yourself a fish

I've been here for not even a week, and everything is going just as I hoped for. Its so amazing how much you can learn just by opening up your mind and expanding your horizons.

I started looking for work. Applied at over 10 different locations, and have gotten a lot of positive feed back. I wasn't worried about it to begin with, finding a job has never been an issue for me. I know that whatever it is that I am suppose to do, will eventually present itself to me, and it will be great.

Today I went fishing for the first time. Actually I went once before, but after today I will never call that fishing again. It was a windy night, and little chilly. My cousin and I walked out onto a jetty and fished in the ocean for about 2 hours. I had no idea what I was doing (shocking, I know). I was really just sitting there watching the dolphins, and clearing my mind. About an hour in, lost in thought, I catch a fish. And this wasn't just a fish, it was a really big fish (fairly large striper). I stayed super calm and just tried really hard to reel it in. By the time my cousin got there to help me, I lost it because my line was caught on a rock. But it was the best feeling. I learned today that I LOVE to fish. I enjoyed it so much, that I am waking up at 6am tomorrow to do it again. (I don't wake up at 6am for ANYTHING.)

As I was sitting there today, experiencing the whole fishing thing, I said to myself "I am catching a fish." And what do you know, I caught a fish. I didn't sit there and obsess over it, I just sent my intentions, stayed in the now, and cleared my mind. Before I knew it, I had a fish. Its so amazing to me how everything is flowing just as I once intended. 

I suggest anyone reading this to try setting your in intentions in a positive way. See how it works for you, and let me know how it goes.

peace. love. and fishie faces :)

its the law..

The law of attraction. I am unaware as to how many people actually read into this, practice it, believe in it, etc. I can only speak for myself, and I am a huge believer and try my best to always practice. For anyone reading who has never heard this before. Put simply, the law of attraction states that you get out of life what you think about most. I can go on and ramble for hours about this, get into deep discussions, heated arguments,  spiritual tangents, but I'll spare you and just share a story that I find to be so awesome.

This past Thursday, I was sitting with my aunt and she began to show me random items that she collects from the beach. One of them being, heart shaped stones. I was so fascinated by them, thought they were the coolest things.

Friday night my father and grandmother joined us for dinner (which was AMAZING, fresh homemade crab cakes, now thats whats up), my dad started to tell this story about how his brother (my uncle) collects and finds these heart shaped rocks. We laughed a little, talked about how ironic it was that we were just talking about this. My grandmother than goes on to explain that she always had a knack for finding them as well. I was so impressed, thought it was great.

Today my father walked into Easter brunch, opened his hand, and he had 2 heart shaped rocks and said "look what I found this morning walking the beach." I thought it was amazing that after just have this discussion he nonchalantly came across them while taking a morning walk.

After brunch, I went down to Poverty beach. Sat alone in silence for a bit, and just took in my surroundings. I looked around and I was surrounded by shells and stones. I decided to experiment (I do this often). I closed my eyes for 5 minutes and cleared my mind, after doing so I imagined finding one of these heart shaped stones that seem to be oh so popular amongst my family. I sat up looked to my left, and the first thing to grab my attention was a heart shaped stone. I was so excited.

When my father showed me his stone, he held it up and said to me, "remember Christine, we change from the inside out." I smiled and I felt a sense of calmness, I smiled and felt that same sense of calmness when I found the stone on my own. Every time I hold it I will remind myself, I am changing everyday from the inside out.. and it all starts with the heart.

Happy Easter everyone, be thankful today for the life you were blessed wit. And remember.. who every said life sucked lied. Life is meant to be lived, and living it can be so great.

peace. love. and pancakes :)

hi friends !

My oh my.. I haven't posted in a while. Not because I haven't been writing, only because I am keeping alot more private and I have been SUPER busy with my move.

I am officially in New Jersey. =) And I am officially very happy. 

April 20 my daddy and I drove 846 miles to Cape May, New Jersey. Man was that a trip. It was great, we jammed to the Rolling Stones, Tom Petty, The Beatles, Billie Joel, etc. Talked about life, shared crazy stories that I never thought I'd tell my father, and got lost. It was a time I'll always remember and I am so glad he took the drive with me, hes the best.

I am currently living with my wonderful aunt, uncle, & cousins Andrew and Kevin. Andrew is in the process of starting an organic farm and this city girl has been recruited to help. I had my first day out there today. That was funny. For those of you who don't know me, I have a phobia of worms.. I have a feeling I may get over that before summer is over. I accidently picked one up, and that resulted in me running and screaming like I was being chased by a grizzly bear. I personally don't think that my cousin wants my help, I think he just wants me around for entertainment purposes only.

I decided to make this move for many reasons but one first and foremost I did this to find happiness. I am on my dream journey and where I will end nobody knows. I want to meet as many people as I can, try all the food under the sun, attempt sports I never heard of, learn about different things that the average bear doesn't know, ask to many questions, and most importantly learn to always follow my dreams, live in the now, never judge, and be thankful always. I love who I am, who I am becoming, and who I will be. I am so excited to share my journey with all of you, and this will all make for a great chapter in my book.

peace. love. and a little extra ;) later.

My Seester.

Sorry, blurry picture, but that is me and my sister.

I'd like to personally introduce you all to my sister, Michele! There is a small 18 year age difference between me and her. Because of it I like to call her my sister-mom. We have the bond, and friendship of sisters, and almost share the love of a mother and daughter. Its pretty awesome. For as far back as I can remember, she has always been my best friend. When I was little, I absolutely admired her. When I think of grade school, its her face I remember in every crowd. High school? She was the one who ALWAYS believed in me. Now.. I'd be lost with out her. I just wanted to recognize her. She is my backbone, and an all around amazing person. I will be so blessed to become half of the women she is.  Love you Mel! =)

what makes you happy?!

Relax? Sit still? Don't go out? Can't work? WHAT DO THOSE WORDS MEAN ?!?!!

I'm being forced to take it easy due to my current health conditions. UGH! For anyone who knows me, you know that I don't stop .. so this is not easy, and definetly NOT FUN. So naturally I've been getting a little down in the dumps, cause I have cabin fever and its not going away anytime soon. So why not talk about what makes me happy?!

laughing, family&friends, new socks, DMB, a cup of coffee, the smell of cape may, babies, when my friend Brianna answers the phone, meeting new people, Canada, writing, reading, sports, watching tv with my sister and brother-in-law, Cancun, cuddling, fresh laundry, sports, shamrocks, fabric softener, my blankie, a good movie, the smell of summer mornings, my back porch, positive quotes, exercising, mountain dew, the color purple, J. Biebs, my nephews, brushing my teeth, bubble baths, funny people, random moments, holding hands, the beach, music, cousins, getting flowers, surprises, doing hair, coloring books and crayons, painting, scrap booking, making people laugh, watching a team win a championship, the honesty of a child, New Jersey, Law and Order, Ellen and Oprah, the thought that Jonathan Toews would fall in love with me if only he knew i exsisted.....  <3

I could continue the list, but its not nessicary. Those 2 minutes it took me to type what makes me happy, made me happy. Try it sometime, it works. And it never hurts to step back and have graditude.

so beautiful ! :)

just breathe

Current status: I'm on the road to recovery.
Tuesday night I had an awful scare. My lungs swell up, and I was having bronchial spasms, which lead to an anxiety attack.. put simply. It was not fun, pretty scary actually ! However, It completely made me realize how often we take the simplest things (like breathing) for granted. There are so many small wonders in this world that are just beautiful, and so often over looked. Take time once in a while to look around and just appreciate whats given to you. Because it can always be worse.

There are so many major changes taking place right now in my life. It almost feels as if I tripped and fell, while carrying a puzzle. And I am sitting here, in awe, just watching all the pieces fall perfectly into place. I am so happy with how things are working out. Its so nice when you let go, and allow things to just happen.
I don't have much to really say at the moment, I have been pretty under the weather, and I am super anxious to get through the next 4 weeks so I can get my wheels back in motion.

BUT .. I would like to mention my family and friends . I am blessed with some pretty amazing people in my life. My family is so loving and supportive, Intermediate and extended. My friends are by far the best I could ask for. The relationships I have formed with people, new and old, are what keep me going. You guys are my support, my influence, my smile, and sometimes my tears. I don't need to mention names.. you know who you are. I love you all and thank you !!

The video I will leave you with is from 3 years ago.. Its me, dressed in a fat suite, choking. My friends think I am dancing. I don't know, It just seemed appropriate :) .

DOUBLE CHiN ?!

The other night I went out to meet a friend, and ran into a bunch of people that I haven't seen in years. It was actually really nice. I stepped outside to take a phone call, and I had asked someone repeatedly to "please, leave me alone." I didn't know this person, never seen him before in my life. My phone conversation I was having had nothing to do with him, and I did not give him an invitation to start talking to me either. Just when I thought he was done bothering me, he turned around and called me a "double chined, fat-ass." For those of you who know me, and for those of you who don't.. my double chin is MY BIGGEST INSECURITY ! I know I am not fat, but a double chin I do have. =) I have to admit I was super embarrassed, and hesitated for a second. I handled the situation accordingly, and I told this person that you don't EVER talk to people like that, especially a women. 

Everyone has flaws and insecurities. People are so critical of themselves, its actually sad. I am a confident women, and I not only know who I am but I love who I am. Chin and all. I know that I am beautiful from the inside out, and I also am well aware of the fact that I don't have a picture perfect jaw line. I know who I am and where I stand as a women and I don't need peoples negativity to influence me. This happened 3 days ago, so to say that I let it go would in fact be a lie. It bothered me, I was hurt, I am now slightly self conscious again. But I am trying to turn it into a positive. As people we need to start thinking before we say things. Don't judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes

The picture above kind of displays the chin action, but my shirt also reads "I really don't care what you say."

SCATTER BRAIN !!

Talk about things falling into place ! Today was an average day for me, I worked an unusual early morning at the bar, went to dinner with my sister, visited my grandma in the hospital, stopped back at my work, came home. In chronological order it sounds pretty average. Break it down, and my day was one hell of a ride. I received an extremely honoring phone call today. My cousin, Alison Hummel, founder of justagirldreaming.com, asked me to collaborate with her. =) I know sooooo exciting !!!! I mean you want to talk about manifesting your own destiny.. that my friends is it. I've always had a PASSION for writing, and once I made it my goal in life and put a few things up for others to read, I was presented an opportunity. I am super excited, and this confirms my decision to move to New Jersey. Ironic how things fall into place when you are doing the next right thing. Next I went to dinner with my older sister (my backbone) and we had a great talk. She brought me back a few months and did some digging, what we dug up was great for personal use alone. I constantly speak of being ok with the way certain things have played out, and today was the first time I talked about it and really felt ok. It was liberating. I have to make note that a certain someone changed my world forever last year, and for that I will never forget him. Than I saw my gram, ugh how sad. It really made me realize how important it is to always stay positive. I love that little old lady to death, and anything more on this topic will get me a little to emotional. Finally I stopped back at my work to pick something up and got into a random conversation (go figure!). One thing led to another and before we knew it I came up with a GREAT idea, I cant share it all because I do intend on patenting it.. but I will end this with YOU WERE BORN A WINNER. Think about it. =)

OHHH, & the meaning behind my picture.. the time that I was happiest and could see a bright future, until today.

"Life is just a chance to grow a soul." Powel Davies

You'll often hear me talk about people who unknowingly have effected my life. Think about it, think of all the times some one has impacted you and it went unnoticed. I can honestly take the worst of times, and thank the people involved for effecting my life because its part of the path that got me here. I firmly stand next to the saying, "you get what you put into this world," Life can be a bitch but in the end, she's pretty fair. Really the only point I want to make is to just treat people how you want to be treated, and try to give credit where credit is due. It makes the day a lot happier for you and the people you encounter. :)

planting seeds..

I was driving today, and started thinking (shocker, i know).. but, I realized that no thought I have is truly my own. The best way to describe it would kind of be "things my mother said." I can't begin to count the number of times in a single day that I reflect back to things that were said to me past. So of ten I hear what people say, but don't really take it in. However, at the most random times, usually when I need it most, I have it to reflect on. When I was younger, and even still today, people will give me advice and I cringe with aggervation. Sure enough I find myself constantly going back to all the wise and wonderful things they've taught me. My mom in-particular calls it "planting seeds" or you'll often hear her say, "when the students ready, the teacher appears." I try to keep an open mind at all times. I try to look at everyone I meet as my teacher. Weather I agree or disagree with a situation, I am learning SOMETHING, there is always a lesson to be learned. 

PEACE =)

So instead of despising technology, I am going to learn to use it. I found this fun little thing on my phone that I don't know how to use that takes voice notes (I know, not that exciting for you!) But for me this is great, I just have to actually use it. I come up with the most random, fleeting thoughts in a 24 hour period.. now I can record them since I don't always have the motivation, time, or tools to actually write it down. So from here on out I'm hoping that at the end of each day I can share my random thoughts and experiences. Today I mentally checked out, which I think is a healthy thing to do from time to time. I make a conscious effort everyday to be positive and live in the moment that I often push aside feelings that sometimes need to be felt. So today I hung out with me and only me all day long. I listened to a lot of music, read a lot of different things, looked at pictures, journal d. I felt a wide variety of emotions. I came out of it with the realization that was drilled into my head by a Dave Matthews song.. "Some people do, Some people don't, Some people will, Some people wont, I do." Everybody is so different from eachother. We're all human we we posses different qualities, you have to take the good with the bad. Its ok to disagree, feel upset, cry, laugh out loud, whatever.. we were given these feelings of emotion for a reason and I feel that just as long as you don't use them to pass judgment its healthy. I constantly find myself passing judgment, there are times "I just know how others feel" this way of thinking needs to stop. And I think the best place to start is to make peace. I need confront the situations that make me feel uneasy, I need to take the dicontent feelings and make them content, I need to challenge my fears, and I need to start accepting things for just the way they are. As my mother says, "turn the page" .. life is written in pen, your story is your story, but you can always turn the page. Goodnight.

lets try this again.

So I originally started this blog for an internship I was applying for. I obviously was not accepted, but I love to write and I am not going to let what I once began to create die. I've made up my mind, I want to become a writer. So why not start somewhere small, eh? Although I did not get the internship, it pushed me to pursue my dreams. This summer I am moving back to New Jersey =). For those of you who don't know me, I have a HUGE family that resides on the east coast, and thanks to social networking I've learned that I have so much more in common with them then I realized. Things that I once thought were unique traits of mine, I've come to find run in my family, so comforting. I have HUGE dreams, small goals, I am on a mission, my goal.. total happiness. I want to inspire others. I want to take all my experiences and use them as a tool. Everything I once said "I wish I could.." I am now doing. Maybe I'll love it, maybe not. I won't figure it out though until I try. I intend to use this blog to share my thoughts, spread my happiness. I know that there are hundreds of people in the world that have unknowingly inspired me. People who have brought smiles to my face without knowing. I would be more than honored to have the affect on ONE single person the way so many have had on me.

..........

I've changed alot in the last 8 months. I'm growing into an amazing young women who has a world of opportunities. for years I've lived my life for others, and today i can say i live my life for me. i do what i love and the rest will follow. the only thing i have to do is get up, get up early and do something, anything. make everyday worth something. throughout my life many people have come and left. people have left footprints in my heart and don't know it, and people have crushed my soul and did it intentionally. and i thank everyone for whoever they were at whatever point i my life, they shaped me into who i am today. i try to look at everyone as a teacher, i have so much to learn.. and i do so by asking questions and watching others. i am only 22 but i have been through more than most people have been in a lifetime. it could be so much easier to shut the world out, let go, run away, never trust.. but that's not an option in my life today. i wake up every morning and i fight for happiness.. i force myself to love and trust, and i don't run from anything i dive right into it. no one is every going to hand me anything in life. i have to work my little butt off and get what i want. just as long as i continue to do something and smile life will all that i want it to be. i used to worry about getting married, what i would become in life, who would stay my friend. why? who knows what tomorrow will bring, i may or may not even wake up. i didn't know last year that the people who are here for me today even existed. i didn't know 4 months ago that the one guy i thought would never let me down would do just that. but its an amazing feeling to know that i put my whole entire heart into a guy, trusted him with my world, and gave him the opportunity to break my heart.. the thought of loosing him scared me, but i took a chance. and in the end, yes i was let down, but no i wasn't hurt. I'm still smiling, i still trust, and i can name a million positive things i gained from my experience. through that one experience i can physically see how much i have grown, and how far i have come. expect nothing life, keep your expectations low and you wont get hurt. life as i know it today is good, and as long as i always put me first it will stay that way.